Why the Taylor Swift Groping Case Infuriates Me

So you might not pick up on this fact from the title of this post, but I’m a HUGE Taylor Swift fan. I love her so much. She’s the reason I ever picked up a guitar and taught myself to play. Hearing her voice evolution from her first ever released album to her latest gave me hope that I could improve my singing as well (although I don’t have the money she does to drop on vocal coaches). Hearing her sing live (via Youtube) at the Grammy Museum actually gave me chills. And my favorite thing about her, she takes a stance against haters, and she always looks great doing it.

So why does this famous groping lawsuit she has going on with Mueller have me riled up?

Because she’s not the only one. Not just that, but her case isn’t even as severe as others. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying she should suck it up and let him get away with violating her body. Rather, I’m infuriated that her case is getting so much attention as an anomaly. 

Why is it so crazy that a woman is taking a stance to defend her own body? Why does she have to stand as an example? This isn’t the first case of bodily violation, and it certainly (unfortunately) won’t be the last.

Someone very close to me was violently raped years ago. I watched this person go through PTSD. I watched her break down over and over again without fully realizing she was doing it. I watched her go through temper tantrums she couldn’t fully control, and I watched as her perception of everything was so warped she thought the people who loved her most were out to get her.

Nothing broke my heart more.

It took many years, but she’s healed so much. She’s become so much better, and she’s a lot healthier. But it didn’t happen overnight, and the healing isn’t absolute. Sometimes, under a lot of stress or with the wrong string of words entering her ears, she still breaks.

And the man who took away all those years from her? Who stole a part of her sanity and left a dark shadow in her memory and scars on her body that will never fade?

He’s walking free.

He went to jail for a little while, sure, but he was let out on probation so quickly. Now he’s just free to hurt another woman again.

What the hell, America?

This is just one of countless examples of our impaired, unjust, and erroneous court system.

It is 2017, and women are still viewed as property. Men still feel the need to shove their assumed superiority in our faces, and into our bodies.

I should not feel fear as I take a stroll in my neighborhood with my little squirrel-sized dogs at night. I should not feel violated when I’m dressed nice and a guy leers at me from across the room. I should not feel terrified as a large vehicle with a creepy dude driving it freaking stops his car on the crosswalk where I walk my dogs at night, or in the parking lot of the park I walk past (only to start the car and drive away quickly as soon as he sees me making a call). And this isn’t a one time occurrence either. It’s happened multiple times.

It’s 2017, America. Wake up!

What are the court systems doing to help us? They send the perpetrators to jail for a short period of time and then let them roam free. Free to hurt me and those I love over and over again.

Do you know the absolute fear my friend felt when she told me this guy got out on probation? I have never seen her afraid of anything, yet this human, this monster disguised as a man, who got a slap on his hand before being let go, turned my brave, strong female role model into a pile of ashes.

So for everyone’s sake, I do hope Swift wins the case in her countersuit next week. Not just that she wins as a famous person, but that she wins as a woman with autonomy over her own body. That her case serves as an example that actions aren’t without consequences. That court systems start ruling in favor of the violated, broken and destroyed woman instead of the seemingly harmless man who smiles a horrific and villainous grin as he “claims control” both inside and outside the courtroom. 

Because those women who actually have the guts to take their cases to court and sit there and relive every horrifying minute of their abuse are real heroes, and they deserve to feel safe, supported, and loved.

Each of them rises as the most glorious phoenix from a pile of ashes comprised of fear.

Women, you are glorious. You are beautiful and supported and loved. Even if justice does not stand with you, know that we do. Millions of people support you and want to be there to cheer you on as you feel like you will crumble.

Because you are strong. You are dazzling. You are triumphant.

You are our superstars.

 

Love always,
Madeline

 

 

To the Biased and Basic Beauty Industry: We are Beautiful Too

I used to HATE makeup. So much. I’d hate on my best friend for always wearing it everyday. Yet somehow, I’ve managed to morph into a VIB Rouge at Sephora (and a Play! by Sephora subscriber), a Platinum member at Ulta, and a Tarte-loving beauty junkie. (I still don’t know how the hell that happened, but it did.)

Basically, I used to think makeup was the devil because why should I depend on makeup to make me look better when I’m already beautiful? But after realizing how much fun it is and just how much of an art it can be, I’ve become absolutely obsessed. I rarely leave the house without at least CC cream, concealer, blush and mascara to make me look bright and refreshed.

I frequently wonder, when did this start? I believe my interest in beauty began when I decided I wanted to learn how to do my own makeup for fancy events. My friends all knew how to apply their makeup flawlessly. They were practically professionals. It eventually grew to an everyday thing when I developed this awful hormonal acne that’s been ongoing for the past 7 months or so, and so my jawline on both sides of my face is covered with acne and scarring that blends up into my face. I used to have super clear skin, so I find these blemishes embarrassing. I wanted to learn how to cover them up (thank you, CC cream).

But the more I shopped in the makeup industry, the more I realized there’s a huge problem buried inside of it, and I don’t think it’s talked about nearly enough. I’m a medium-toned, oily-faced, blemish-covered, HUGE-pored girl living in a world of beauty products geared toward the average, fair-skinned, smooth-faced, unblemished, tiny-pored, normal-skin-type girl. What about the rest of us? The ones who need darker colors, who aren’t looking to cover redness, but instead awful dark spots and scarring, trying to cover large pores (only because the industry tells us large pores are bad–even though pore-size is totally genetic), who have to use blotting sheets every 2 hours even when wearing setting powder?

Where’s the makeup geared outside of the normal beauty standard? Where’s the makeup geared towards me?

I personally live for free makeup. When I see the words “free gift with purchase,” I am all over that. Free gifts from Ulta are my jam. (Sorry, Sephora, but Ulta’s free gifts and Platinum rewards are WAY better than VIB Rouge, as you guys are kind of a huge rip-off in comparison.) In truth, a large portion of my makeup consists of samples I’ve gotten as free gifts from Ulta and from items in Sephora’s subscription box, and I’ve found some of my favorite products through them.

Through this though, I’ve found the problem. The biggest drawback? Almost all of these samples are geared towards the average, fair-skinned, normal-beauty-standard girl.

Even my drugstore Garnier concealer only comes in a light shade (which blends out to match my skin color, but again, would not go with deeper skin tones.) I’ve even had to give away some of my Play! by Sephora products (mostly lipsticks) to my lighter-skinned best friend because the colors chosen for me did not take my darker skin color into consideration, even though Sephora claims to use my profile to create my “personalized” subscription box.

Beauty stores (I’m talking to you, Ulta, Sephora) and brands (hey Garnier), why don’t you take diverse shoppers into consideration when offering “free gifts” and creating products? Do you not think the diverse populations will spend $50 or $60 to get a gift? Do you not think deeper-skinned girls are interested in your products? Or is it that you think darker skinned girls don’t wear makeup? I can’t figure out what kind of discrimination game you’re playing, but it needs to stop. 

I used to be ashamed of my medium-deep skin, but it’s beautiful. It tells the story of my family’s rich heritage. Though my family hails from Egypt, I’m not considered African American. I’m considered white by ethnic guidelines, but I’m really not white, and though I’m not quite dark enough to be black, I am darker skinned than most of my Middle Eastern counterparts (and not that pretty, Mediterranean, olive-tone either). If you’ve ever seen Egyptians, you know we, as most people, come in a really wide variety of skin tones, even if makeup products do not.

Some of the light/medium products I find DO match me, but many are too light. If they’re too light for me, what about the rest of the diversity scale? I go to an HBCU, so what about my strong, beautiful, black female counterparts? They deserve to try samples and use products that complement their skin tone just as much as fair-skinned individuals. 

And another thing, why are all of these magazine covers trying to tell me to cover my pores? I have HUGE pores, like, I’ve never seen pores so large on anyone but my mom (because as I said earlier, pores are genetic). Yet there are so many products designed to make pores appear smaller. I own many of these products, even the Benefit Cosmetics POREfessionals primer. And it does make my pores look SLIGHTLY smaller (there’s only so much you can do with pores as large as mine), but not entirely. But today, I suddenly asked myself, why am I trying to cover my pores? Who said my pores can’t be beautiful? Why am I trying to make my face look like all these perfect, small-pored people littering pictures and articles on magazine stands and in my emails (where again, the people are mostly fair-skinned)?

So I decided today: we WILL find the makeup for the beauty outcasts, with or without the beauty industry’s help. The ones who are too dark, too blemished, too oily, and too diverse for the beauty industry.

And we’ll do it on our own, apparently, without the sample products and full-sized products to help guide our way.

Until the Beauty Industry steps up and recognizes that we don’t live in a white-washed America, we are on our own. We deserve the right products because, my dear, biased, basic, and discriminatory beauty industry:

we are beautiful, too.

Love Always,
Madeline