Why the Taylor Swift Groping Case Infuriates Me

So you might not pick up on this fact from the title of this post, but I’m a HUGE Taylor Swift fan. I love her so much. She’s the reason I ever picked up a guitar and taught myself to play. Hearing her voice evolution from her first ever released album to her latest gave me hope that I could improve my singing as well (although I don’t have the money she does to drop on vocal coaches). Hearing her sing live (via Youtube) at the Grammy Museum actually gave me chills. And my favorite thing about her, she takes a stance against haters, and she always looks great doing it.

So why does this famous groping lawsuit she has going on with Mueller have me riled up?

Because she’s not the only one. Not just that, but her case isn’t even as severe as others. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying she should suck it up and let him get away with violating her body. Rather, I’m infuriated that her case is getting so much attention as an anomaly. 

Why is it so crazy that a woman is taking a stance to defend her own body? Why does she have to stand as an example? This isn’t the first case of bodily violation, and it certainly (unfortunately) won’t be the last.

Someone very close to me was violently raped years ago. I watched this person go through PTSD. I watched her break down over and over again without fully realizing she was doing it. I watched her go through temper tantrums she couldn’t fully control, and I watched as her perception of everything was so warped she thought the people who loved her most were out to get her.

Nothing broke my heart more.

It took many years, but she’s healed so much. She’s become so much better, and she’s a lot healthier. But it didn’t happen overnight, and the healing isn’t absolute. Sometimes, under a lot of stress or with the wrong string of words entering her ears, she still breaks.

And the man who took away all those years from her? Who stole a part of her sanity and left a dark shadow in her memory and scars on her body that will never fade?

He’s walking free.

He went to jail for a little while, sure, but he was let out on probation so quickly. Now he’s just free to hurt another woman again.

What the hell, America?

This is just one of countless examples of our impaired, unjust, and erroneous court system.

It is 2017, and women are still viewed as property. Men still feel the need to shove their assumed superiority in our faces, and into our bodies.

I should not feel fear as I take a stroll in my neighborhood with my little squirrel-sized dogs at night. I should not feel violated when I’m dressed nice and a guy leers at me from across the room. I should not feel terrified as a large vehicle with a creepy dude driving it freaking stops his car on the crosswalk where I walk my dogs at night, or in the parking lot of the park I walk past (only to start the car and drive away quickly as soon as he sees me making a call). And this isn’t a one time occurrence either. It’s happened multiple times.

It’s 2017, America. Wake up!

What are the court systems doing to help us? They send the perpetrators to jail for a short period of time and then let them roam free. Free to hurt me and those I love over and over again.

Do you know the absolute fear my friend felt when she told me this guy got out on probation? I have never seen her afraid of anything, yet this human, this monster disguised as a man, who got a slap on his hand before being let go, turned my brave, strong female role model into a pile of ashes.

So for everyone’s sake, I do hope Swift wins the case in her countersuit next week. Not just that she wins as a famous person, but that she wins as a woman with autonomy over her own body. That her case serves as an example that actions aren’t without consequences. That court systems start ruling in favor of the violated, broken and destroyed woman instead of the seemingly harmless man who smiles a horrific and villainous grin as he “claims control” both inside and outside the courtroom. 

Because those women who actually have the guts to take their cases to court and sit there and relive every horrifying minute of their abuse are real heroes, and they deserve to feel safe, supported, and loved.

Each of them rises as the most glorious phoenix from a pile of ashes comprised of fear.

Women, you are glorious. You are beautiful and supported and loved. Even if justice does not stand with you, know that we do. Millions of people support you and want to be there to cheer you on as you feel like you will crumble.

Because you are strong. You are dazzling. You are triumphant.

You are our superstars.

 

Love always,
Madeline

 

 

To the Biased and Basic Beauty Industry: We are Beautiful Too

I used to HATE makeup. So much. I’d hate on my best friend for always wearing it everyday. Yet somehow, I’ve managed to morph into a VIB Rouge at Sephora (and a Play! by Sephora subscriber), a Platinum member at Ulta, and a Tarte-loving beauty junkie. (I still don’t know how the hell that happened, but it did.)

Basically, I used to think makeup was the devil because why should I depend on makeup to make me look better when I’m already beautiful? But after realizing how much fun it is and just how much of an art it can be, I’ve become absolutely obsessed. I rarely leave the house without at least CC cream, concealer, blush and mascara to make me look bright and refreshed.

I frequently wonder, when did this start? I believe my interest in beauty began when I decided I wanted to learn how to do my own makeup for fancy events. My friends all knew how to apply their makeup flawlessly. They were practically professionals. It eventually grew to an everyday thing when I developed this awful hormonal acne that’s been ongoing for the past 7 months or so, and so my jawline on both sides of my face is covered with acne and scarring that blends up into my face. I used to have super clear skin, so I find these blemishes embarrassing. I wanted to learn how to cover them up (thank you, CC cream).

But the more I shopped in the makeup industry, the more I realized there’s a huge problem buried inside of it, and I don’t think it’s talked about nearly enough. I’m a medium-toned, oily-faced, blemish-covered, HUGE-pored girl living in a world of beauty products geared toward the average, fair-skinned, smooth-faced, unblemished, tiny-pored, normal-skin-type girl. What about the rest of us? The ones who need darker colors, who aren’t looking to cover redness, but instead awful dark spots and scarring, trying to cover large pores (only because the industry tells us large pores are bad–even though pore-size is totally genetic), who have to use blotting sheets every 2 hours even when wearing setting powder?

Where’s the makeup geared outside of the normal beauty standard? Where’s the makeup geared towards me?

I personally live for free makeup. When I see the words “free gift with purchase,” I am all over that. Free gifts from Ulta are my jam. (Sorry, Sephora, but Ulta’s free gifts and Platinum rewards are WAY better than VIB Rouge, as you guys are kind of a huge rip-off in comparison.) In truth, a large portion of my makeup consists of samples I’ve gotten as free gifts from Ulta and from items in Sephora’s subscription box, and I’ve found some of my favorite products through them.

Through this though, I’ve found the problem. The biggest drawback? Almost all of these samples are geared towards the average, fair-skinned, normal-beauty-standard girl.

Even my drugstore Garnier concealer only comes in a light shade (which blends out to match my skin color, but again, would not go with deeper skin tones.) I’ve even had to give away some of my Play! by Sephora products (mostly lipsticks) to my lighter-skinned best friend because the colors chosen for me did not take my darker skin color into consideration, even though Sephora claims to use my profile to create my “personalized” subscription box.

Beauty stores (I’m talking to you, Ulta, Sephora) and brands (hey Garnier), why don’t you take diverse shoppers into consideration when offering “free gifts” and creating products? Do you not think the diverse populations will spend $50 or $60 to get a gift? Do you not think deeper-skinned girls are interested in your products? Or is it that you think darker skinned girls don’t wear makeup? I can’t figure out what kind of discrimination game you’re playing, but it needs to stop. 

I used to be ashamed of my medium-deep skin, but it’s beautiful. It tells the story of my family’s rich heritage. Though my family hails from Egypt, I’m not considered African American. I’m considered white by ethnic guidelines, but I’m really not white, and though I’m not quite dark enough to be black, I am darker skinned than most of my Middle Eastern counterparts (and not that pretty, Mediterranean, olive-tone either). If you’ve ever seen Egyptians, you know we, as most people, come in a really wide variety of skin tones, even if makeup products do not.

Some of the light/medium products I find DO match me, but many are too light. If they’re too light for me, what about the rest of the diversity scale? I go to an HBCU, so what about my strong, beautiful, black female counterparts? They deserve to try samples and use products that complement their skin tone just as much as fair-skinned individuals. 

And another thing, why are all of these magazine covers trying to tell me to cover my pores? I have HUGE pores, like, I’ve never seen pores so large on anyone but my mom (because as I said earlier, pores are genetic). Yet there are so many products designed to make pores appear smaller. I own many of these products, even the Benefit Cosmetics POREfessionals primer. And it does make my pores look SLIGHTLY smaller (there’s only so much you can do with pores as large as mine), but not entirely. But today, I suddenly asked myself, why am I trying to cover my pores? Who said my pores can’t be beautiful? Why am I trying to make my face look like all these perfect, small-pored people littering pictures and articles on magazine stands and in my emails (where again, the people are mostly fair-skinned)?

So I decided today: we WILL find the makeup for the beauty outcasts, with or without the beauty industry’s help. The ones who are too dark, too blemished, too oily, and too diverse for the beauty industry.

And we’ll do it on our own, apparently, without the sample products and full-sized products to help guide our way.

Until the Beauty Industry steps up and recognizes that we don’t live in a white-washed America, we are on our own. We deserve the right products because, my dear, biased, basic, and discriminatory beauty industry:

we are beautiful, too.

Love Always,
Madeline

Be healthy, happy, content.

Life goes on. If there’s anything I’ve learned, it’s that. 23 sucked for me. In the beginning, anyway. I think my 23rd birthday was the worst I’d ever had, and most of it was my fault. I expected too much from people and not enough from me. I wasn’t happy with life. I realized I needed some changes, and I’ve certainly come a long way. With my 24th birthday coming up, I feel strong, healthy, and happy. I’m finally at a place where I’m so incredibly content with life, and it’s the most amazing feeling in the world. I want to share with you little ways you can bring contentment to your own life, so you can be at your healthiest, happiest self!

1. Take care of yourself! Sure, it’s hard in the beginning, but in a week or two, even months and years down the road, you’ll love yourself so much more! Eat clean, drink a lot of water, and give your heart some love (cardio). I went through a bad time last year. I let myself gain 20 pounds. All the weight I’d worked so hard to lose, plus some. I was a size 16, obese, and overall unhappy. Now I’ve worked hard to take care of myself. I lost all the weight I gained the right way (see my post titled Operation Health). I’m a solid 12/14 right now, and I’m working on making that 12 fit. But it doesn’t matter that that 12 doesn’t fit right now. Because I’m happy. Knowing I’m doing everything it takes to put myself first is enough.
   You come first.
2. Don’t let the negatives bring you down. Seriously. There are so many people out there just complaining all of the time. I have my complaints too sometimes. But it’s so important to cut negativity out of your life! Whenever you have a complaint, immediately find something else that you’re grateful for, too. Last week at the airport, my flight was delayed, my phone died and I had to charge it at the airport while waiting for an Uber, the wheel broke off my suitcase, and my Uber driver just sat and watched me struggle with my two large suitcases, one of which had a broken wheel. But with all that was going wrong, I was concentrating on everything else that had gone right that weekend. My sister, brother-in-law, and best friend threw me an early birthday dinner. A good friend took a detour out of his day to bring me happiness (in the form of my favorite tea) before my flight. I was wearing size 12 jeans for the first time in so many years. I was warm in my adorable new coat. With everything that went wrong, I was so concentrated on keeping my joy, which set my tone for the entire week.
   Be as positive as you can be.
3. Trust yourself. You are fully capable. Yes, you’ve had help getting to where you are. Yes, you’ve failed before. But why should that mean you can’t do it now? You are so strong, and so fully able to do whatever you set your mind to. I know people who literally talk themselves out of doing something they want or love because they simply do not trust themselves to do it. It makes me so sad. Look at how far you’ve come. Look at the person now compared to who you used to be. If you don’t like something, work to change it or learn to love it! Be proactive and know that you CAN!
   Don’t EVER let someone tell you you can’t. If they do, prove them wrong.
4. Don’t try to find happiness or completion in another. I think this is one of the most important points. Speaking as someone who once had a crush on the same guy for 5 years, I can honestly say that you CAN be happy on your own! Not only can be, but should be! Another person should NOT be the source of your happiness. YOU need to be your own happiness. And it’s actually amazing because within a month of realizing how content I am, everything started falling into place. And it’s amazing knowing that one day, when things take off with whoever the right guy is for me, I’ll be jumping into a relationship already happy, not looking for him to make me happy. Another person will never complete you, nor should they. They should only complement you. As a Christian, I say that God is the one who completes me. If you’re religious, let God be your completion. If you’re not, be your OWN completion. Don’t ever let another person complete you. YOU are your own best bet for contentment.
   Let God complete you. He’ll bring you the one meant to complement you.
5. Love yourself. You can’t give something to others if you don’t have it yourself. That goes for love, too. In order to give love to others, you need to overflow with love yourself. Love begins with you. It has to start with loving yourself. Fall in love with the person you are. All of your imperfections: realize how they make you so unique and lovable and just overall human. I am the clumsiest person alive, and I told my friend that I wished it was endearing. She assured me it was not. I used to hate my clumsiness, craving to be graceful like other women. But that’s just not me. I am clumsy, and I am proud of it. If I wasn’t clumsy, I wouldn’t be me. She eventually told me in a moment of heartfelt conversation that the most endearing thing about me is my kindness. I’m not perfect. I PMS about once a month. But my ability to love myself pours out onto others in the way I know best, which is being as kind as I can to others. Offering a smile, paying for the person behind me in the drive thru, even just saying hello to a stranger. All of these things stem from a place of loving yourself. Love yourself, and loving others will follow.
   Loving yourself is easy. You just have to know that you ARE worth it.

There are so many other keys to contentment that come on the road of self-discovery. They come as keys that are unique to you, things I cannot share because they would not work for you. Once you get that feeling though, that feeling that you are absolutely satisfied and happy with yourself and everything around you, nothing can overcome it. Contentment stays when the circumstances stink. Dig into yourself, and find that place of joy. And when you find it, don’t let it go because it is so absolutely precious.

I love you all, and hope you find your contentment. It’s so close. Reach for it.

Wishing you all happy, healthy, and content lives.

Love always,
Madeline

Operation Health

Hey everyone!

A lot has changed over the last half year or so. I’m proud to say that friendship I was so worried about last time is still thriving. I completed my first semester of professional school and I’m halfway through the second. I turned 22 and jammed out to Taylor Swift (Thanks, Tay, for giving me a reason to enjoy this age), and I bought 1989 and fell in love (I’m such a valley girl when it comes to her). And a couple of months ago, I began Operation Health.

I’m clinically obese. I’ve been overweight most of my life, but over the past year I crossed into dangerous territory. My BMI was 33 when I decided to start this program that I’ve coined Operation Health. I wanted to share my experiences and advice with you because I think it’s important for everyone to be healthy. If you’ve been thinking about getting into shape, I’m going to share the most important tips I’ve learned along the way. This is stuff I wish I knew from the beginning, and now you will!

1. What’s your motivation? Understand why you’re doing this.  I don’t think you should be doing this for your looks or for anyone else’s benefit. I personally get discouraged so easily if I let other people’s perception of me be my motivation. Do this for you. For your health. I decided that I owe it to God to keep the body He gave me, His temple, healthy and beautiful. I owe it to my future husband to keep myself as healthy as possible (if I can’t even take care of myself, how will any man expect me to take care of him?). But most importantly, I owe it to myself. I owe it to me to live a long, happy and healthy life (even if I’m single forever). I am focusing on just being fit for me, and that’s enough.

2. Don’t concentrate on your looks. I cannot say this enough. When you’re so concerned about looking for change in your body from day to day, you get discouraged easily. Instead, focus on how you feel. My heart feels healthier, and it’s amazing. I sleep better, concentrate better, and overall live better. People in my class have noticed a difference, yet none of them could pinpoint what it was until I told them. They told me I was “glowing” and that I looked “different, in a good way.” Exercise affects your entire demeanor in a great way. (Thank you, endorphins.)

3. Take it easy. Slow and steady wins the race! The number one mistake I made when I first started going to the gym is that I was going way too hard. Within a week I went from being completely sedentary to trying to do 900+ calorie workouts every single day. I didn’t understand why I was so tired and was unable to concentrate until my friend informed me I was going way too hard. If you’re just starting, your muscles are not used to it. It has an adverse affect on your health, and it actually makes it a lot harder to lose weight. Take the time to build muscle and get comfortable doing cardio, and make sure to set aside at least one rest day a week so your muscles can heal. Here I am nearly 2 months later, doing 1000+ calorie workouts 5 days a week with no problem. (Sometimes I give myself 2 rest days as a reward for going so hard!)

4. Eat healthy! That one feels like such a cliche that’s plastered everywhere, but I cannot say it enough. Clean your body (and home) of junk food of all sorts. The closest thing I have to junk food in my apartment is fat free popcorn. When I crave sweets, I pop fruit in my mouth, make a green smoothie, or eat a small portion of dark chocolate. Fruit is the best way to snack between meals. It gets your metabolism going, makes you feel full, and is so low on calories! Clean out your home, and make grocery lists before you shop. Take advantage of those healthy dish recipes you pinned but never used. You’ll be better off in the long run.

5. Take a break. If you want ice cream that one day, eat it! Don’t keep yourself from the food you love, or you’ll be binge eating it on the couch a few weeks later. I personally set aside one cheat day a week where I allow myself to eat unhealthier foods, but in moderation. I’ll have a small serving of ice cream, or maybe make a pasta that I’ve been craving. As long as you get back to healthy eating and gym time the next day, you’re fine.

6. Don’t let setbacks discourage you. I’m one of those insane people who steps on the scale every single day. I’m obsessive about it. (Don’t do that. I’m still trying to shake myself of it. Terrible habit.) When I don’t like the number, I beat myself up before having to remind myself that it took 22 years to put on this weight, and it’ll take more than a couple of months to get it off. If you’re going to the gym everyday, eating healthy and watching your calories, then you don’t need to step on the scale every single day. Do it once a week to make sure you’re on track. And if you didn’t lose the 3 pounds you wanted to that week, that’s okay! Don’t drown your sorrows in food, don’t even be upset! Remember, you’re doing this to be healthy, not to lose weight. Yes, losing weight may be part of the plan if you’re overweight or obese, and it WILL come. But you have to give it time. A change this big cannot happen overnight.

7. Don’t give into fad diets. We all want quick fixes. I’ve tried everything in the book. Every “lose 10 pounds in one week!” deal. The thing is, it’s not worth it. Whatever you lose that quickly, you will gain back right away. The best way to get in shape is the long road. And as much as the long road sucks (especially in the beginning), it’s so worth it. You’re whipping your heart, body, and mind into shape. You’re building good habits that will make it a lot easier to keep the weight off when you lose it. Fad diets deprive you of all these things.

8. Force yourself. Going to the gym everyday is hard, especially if you’re just starting out. Having a friend hold you accountable is one of the easiest ways to do this. The way I did it was I had my best friend text me (from 800 miles away) everyday to make sure I went. I had always gone before she texted me so that I don’t say “no” and disappoint her. Now it’s such a habit that she doesn’t need to remind me. And even on days I don’t feel like going, I force myself because once I’m there, you can’t drag me out! Nothing beats the feeling of walking out of a workout. It’s the greatest. Definitely beats sitting on the couch watching tv or sitting at my desk studying. If it’s not a designated rest day, just do it!

There’s a lot of health risks that go hand in hand with being overweight and especially with being obese. My family has a history for things like diabetes, obesity, high cholesterol, and heart failure. That’s why I did this, because by being active and healthy, I lower my risk for all of these health issues. My health comes first. Yours should too.

It’s been almost 2 months and I’ve only lost 10 pounds, but that’s because I’ve had a lot of setbacks when doing things wrong (plus I took two undesignated rest/cheat weeks. Oops). I’m finally at a place I want to be, losing 2-3 pounds a week and doing intense exercise 5-6 days a week. I have a long way to go, as I’m still at a BMI around 31, but I’m motivated to keep going, and I hope you will be too! I hope this list will help get you on the right track where you skip lots of the setbacks that come with trial-and-error.

I’ll keep you updated on tips that I learn along the way. I hope you get motivated and jump on board. No matter what you look like, make a choice for a lifestyle change. Even if you don’t need to lose weight and just need to get into shape, get on board with Operation Health. Your health is all that matters.

I wish you the best of luck. May you live a happy, healthy life.

Until next time,
Madeline

Welcome back to me! Celebrating with vital friendship advice!

Hey everyone!

If you’ve stumbled across my blog in any way, shape, or form, welcome! I’m 21, and just moved away from home for education purposes.

Moving away has done good, but it’s also put a strain on some of my other relationships, such as with my best friend. Her phone’s battery is completely fried, so it’s always dead. She also doesn’t use social networking sites like facebook, so communication between us has been very difficult. But I’m learning to patch it. She is one of very few people I can fully trust, and I love her to pieces. Losing her is not an option.

You see, putting all your trust in one person is always a bad idea. Horrible. But sometimes its hard to avoid. It happens by accident. You find that one person who accepts you completely, even the most horrid parts of you, and you hold on because you’re afraid no one will ever accept you that way again. And then you have to leave him or her, and suddenly, everything slowly starts falling apart. You’re stretching the fabric too far, and it’s finally starting to rip, seam by seam. It just wasn’t great enough to cover such a large distance. Most people would give up. I promised I wouldn’t. So now what do I do in this predicament?

Well, I add more fabric of course.

Enough to stretch across the thousand miles separating us.

(Is A Thousand Miles by Vanessa Carlton going through anyone else’s head yet? #tbt)

I hope if you’re going through anything similar, I’ve helped at least a little. Don’t lose your friendships or other relationships over something as silly as distance. It’s not worth it, but he or she is.

Until next time!

Stay out of trouble,

Madeline